A Valentine Speaks A Thousand Words

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Last Thursday I got the best Valentine I will probably ever get. It captured who I am, who my stepdaughter is and our love of life and each other. Here's what it said.

Dear Mom,

You take me on cool trips. You protect me.

Love, (her name).

We both love to adventure. She would travel constantly if allowed. At least once a week or more she says, "I want to go on a trip right now. On a plane." or "Let's go to the airport. I just want to go on a plane right now." I am the same way. Circling the globe for both business and personal travel, racking up frequent flyer miles, was one of the best periods of my life. I never even stayed in a motel until I was almost seven. She has spent been many places, is a pro at a hotel room and is just about able to pack her own suitcase now. She'll tote her carry on and knows exactly what she wants and needs in it.

The fact she would say you protect me, is a double-edged sword for sure. Sad don't you think that a tiny child would think and speak about needing to be protected? That breaks my heart. But it turns my sad frown upside down to realize that she knows that come what may, I will fight for her and I will protect her if it's the last thing I do. She knows it. I know it.

In such a few short words she captured us. Who we are, what we love and how we love. And it's all so beautiful. This is a Valentine that will stay with me for life. Treasured away. And it a great reminder to keep doing more of the same. Sounds totally fun to me!

I've Lost Her! Oh, Wait, No She's With Mom

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A stepmother panic happens to me fairly often. I am somewhere alone and suddenly a wave of sheer panic comes over me when I think Where is the little one?! Did I lose her? Did I forget her somewhere! Then I stop everything and calm myself down when I remember that she's with her mother.

This first happened to me when she was very tiny and I was in a store and would hear little girls about her age that sounded like her and think it was her, lost somewhere in the store. Now days I panic that I forgot to pick her up from school any time I get really engrossed in a project on a school day. When I rush in to look at the clock I realized it's still two hours before school gets out as I try to get my heart rate back down to a livable beats per minute range.

Every weekend morning she is visiting her mom I expect her to come into my room and she doesn't and I get worried and then remember she's not here. I am here alone. Every time I hear noise from another room I think it's her. Sunday morning I panicked trying to figure out where she was, what day it was and where she was supposed to be. Then again, I realized and had to destress myself.

I'm curious to know whether this happens to lots of other stepmoms. I did have a cousin tell me it happens to her with her own biological children, so I figure I'm not alone. But there is a strangeness to being a mom and having a child some days and not others, don't you think? Has this happened to you? How do you deal with it?

Big Stepmom Lessons

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I cannot believe it's been two months since I was last here. Wow. It has been pretty shockingly eventful, that is for sure. The biggest life changer was gaining custody of my stepdaughter. It's been fantastic, stressful, awesome, overwhelming and just plain amazing.

It's also been a lot of work figuring out our new family structure and life here with school, homework, tighter schedules. It's been a big change and has taken a lot more thoughtfulness and adjustment than I would've imagined. After a few weeks it feels like we're settling into a pretty, simple, happy life here and it feels good. She seems very happy. A few days ago she said she had to pinch herself to make sure this was all real and not just a dream. That charmed me to no end and it made me so happy that the things she's been praying for for such a long time have become answered prayers for her and for us.

Things are different. She is showing sides of herself that I have never seen before. I think it was easy to be happy and behave when it was just for a weekend and it was such an escape from where she was living. But now that reality has set it, there are more angry outbursts, refusals to follow instructions or requests and complaints about things she is asked to do. It's surprising, frustrating and for the most part I get it. That doesn't mean it doesn't bug me though. But we're working through it, learning new techniques and applying consistency to the situation.

So I'm experiencing stepmomhood in a whole new way now. I'm sure that will give me lots of new experiences to share here, lessons for me to learn and great things to come. I'd love to hear how life changed for you when you went from the weekend house to the weekday house if you have any thoughts. Your experience and wisdom, when shared, is invaluable. Have a great day!