Making Conscious Plans For Fun

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Summer is just around the corner. You can feel it coming. Now is a great time to make plans as a family for the season. Not just for that grand family vacation you will take to go camping, on a tour of national parks or to a big amusement park, but for all the little things too.

Summer is the time to cram in as much fun and as much memory making as possible. Especially if you have kiddos out of school. There are so many great museums, historical sites, parks and trails, or beaches to explore. It's a great time to arrange for one-on-one time with each child, picnics in the evenings at a favorite park, barbecues with friends, swimming parties and more. Summer is the time to enjoy socializing and being outside and enjoying everything about the season.

But it's easy to let it all slip away. It's just a few weeks in the end and often time slips out of our hands and we only realize how much fun we want to have in Mid-August and then we feel like we have to party the daylights out of two or three weeks before fall. With a little careful planning this can be a awesome summer for the entire summer.

Print a calendar of the next three months. Write in your must-do responsibilities, the holidays and other plans you already have then plan in some weekly fun adventures. It will make this summer one to remember. I'm trying to do that this year. I want to make sure we take advantage of all the amazing things there are to do and enjoy with my family in our own city. We are lucky to have lots to do here and many places to explore. I'm looking forward to it!

Are there fun places in your own town you have never been to or would like to visit again with your children?

5 Things I Found Out Weren't True About Stepparenting

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In stepparenting, as in just about anything there are myths that become standard beliefs over time based on other people's stories and experiences. I never once before I met my husband imagined that I would be a steppparent. I never considered it, thought about what I would do in that situation or even opened my mind up to the possibility.

So when my new boyfriend, years ago, told me there was something he needed to share with me and told me he had a small daughter, I'll be honest, it broke my heart. Not so much because there was a child in the picture as I knew it meant there was an EX in the picture. Children I was good with, an EX affecting every part of our future I was not so happy with. I also knew this news would affect us financially for years to come. Little did I know it would be 100 times worse than what I imagined on that score.

I ended up taking a long walk by myself after learning this news and hours later when we regrouped I told him I wasn't sure I could handle all these people in his life. It was too complicated for me. Weeks later I met his young daughter, hit it off immediately and now years later I would not trade my relationship with her for almost anything. It has been a huge blessing in my life.

Looking back I had mythical expectations about what life as a stepparent would be like. Here are five I found to be untrue in my relationship with my husband, my stepdaughter and in my life.

1) That a stepchild would consider me a second class citizen in her life. I know everyone's situation is different and age has a huge, huge, huge affect on how stepchildren accept a new stepparent. But I find that if a child feels you are sincerely trying to bless their life by your involvement, they will be friendly and appreciate you. I know this is not the case for everyone, but I do believe that in most cases, this can be true.

2) That my husband would consider me an outsider when it came to parenting his child. My husband grew up with almost no experience with children. I grew up an oldest child with lots of younger cousins and neighbors. I did a ton of babysitting, teaching and mentoring of kids from birth to college age in my life. Kids are very familiar to me. So I was thrilled to realize that my husband is a phenomenal father, I think it's what he does best of anything in the world. He is incredibly intuitive, an amazing teacher, fun and loving. I appreciate that he has allowed me to use all my love and all my experience in parenting his daughter with him. He has only encouraged me to participate as a parent in her life and has shown great gratitude for my loving her and blessing her life.

3) That maturity and wisdom would make dealing with an EX a mature and simple experience. I am sure it's made it easier, but it has not made it easy. What I hoped would be a situation of mutual respect, after being lied to and falsely accused so many times just cannot be that. It requires a huge amount of maturity not to act out, speak my mind and let her have it. There is a reason why this woman has nothing but broken relationships in her past and no amount of generosity and maturity from others is going to change that. Lessons for me to learn.

4) That parents emotions are immune to being hurt by things their children or stepchildren say or do. As kids go, we have one of the sweetest, but one lesson I have learned is that I can get my feelings hurt by things she says, even unintentionally, sometimes even jokingly. I wish I'd been a little more thoughtful to my parents growing up. I cringe to think I've hurt their feelings with stupid things I have said.

5) That you ever get used to having kids in your home only part of the time. After years, I still have moments where I think I've lost or forgotten my stepdaughter somewhere only to remember that she's with her mom. The disruption to our household on each of the weekends she leaves to visit her other parent are painful and don't get easier. Her total personality change when we pick her up two days later is still completely stressful. Gladly she becomes more herself after a few minutes, but to see her face look empty, lifeless and soulless those first few minutes is deeply unsettling. Having to plan our lives around these visits, miss so many school and other activities because of visitation is a continual frustration and sadness.

These are just a few things I've learned and changed my mind about a bit over the years. How about you? Are there things you expected that turned out to be nothing like you expected? Please share them in the comments!

There Is Enough Love To Go All The Way Around Us

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Being a stepmom is a ever-changing adventure. We got through diapers, bottles, toilet training, strollers, the alphabet, counting, home pre-school, kindergarten and more. Now suddenly I find myself in new territory. Doesn't it always happen that way, you just get comfortable with a new phase and everything changes on you.

Two weeks ago I was talking with our little one about my sister and the nice man she is dating. I asked Little One what if she thought, if she thought they would get married. She said, "I don't know, what do you think?" I told her I asked her what she thought. She repeated her question and this went back and forth a couple of times.

Then finally I said, "I think he's a great guy. I like the idea of them getting married." Then she said, "NO! She can't get married! No! No! No!" I was very surprised. "And not your other sister either!"

This behavior was so unusual that I had to do some digging into what was causing it. After some conversation, it came out that she was afraid that if they got married and had their own families they wouldn't have time for her and they would forget about her. That broke my heart a little bit, but I reassured her that they would never change how they felt about her or how much they adored her.

A few days later the conversation came up again. Except this time I was the one she feared might forget her. She said if Daddy and I had babies that maybe I wouldn't love her as much or have any time for her. I said, "Are you kidding me. I'm going to need you around more than ever. Babies can't talk. They can't do anything fun in the beginning." We started talking about all the things she could do that they couldn't do and all the things she would be able to teach them. She seemed comforted. I realized I need to keep reminding her of how much love there is all around her. There are more than just a couple of us. There is a whole community surrounding her, loving her and watching out for her.

It was a good reminder to me that I don't always know what's going on in her ever-developing, growing little mind and heart. If I don't talk to her, I am operating without all the information I need to help her and love her best. One thing I do know is that she will always benefit from being show and reminded how much she is loved. We can work through a lot when that most important truth is on the table.

Banish Boredom With 10 Fun Things To Do

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It's summer in the northern hemisphere and it's proving to be a hot one. And for parents with school age kids it's a short break in the long school year routine and the chance to make meaningful and lasting memories with them. It's amazing how excited they get when you tell them you have "something special planned." Some of my best memories of my childhood are the times my parents surprised us with a fun day trip. If you're running short on fresh ideas, here are a few to inspire you.

1. Go to a local botanical garden.
2. Go to the Zoo.
3. Escape the heat by visiting all your local museums.
4. Visit local historical sites.
5. Check out all your local parks.
6. Make plans with a group of moms & kids once a week for the summer.
7. Attend summer kids movie programs in your city.
8. Plan and execute a service project every week.
9. Plant and tend a small garden.
10. Take part in summer art programs & local kids camps

What are you doing with your kids that excites you this summer? Please share. We all need fresh ideas and I love all the originality and creativity out there.

The Blessings of a Stepmom Community

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What a great week it's been connecting with awesome stepmoms. Sara's beautiful post really got the conversation going and I'm sure it inspired a lot of stepmoms. I really enjoyed reading all the comments on the post and that Sara got back on Facebook. Her words obviously resonated with a lot of women.

One of the comments that really stuck with me was from a woman who has been a stepmom for over four decades. So often we think of the majority of our work being just getting these kids safe and alive through high school graduation and college, but really being a stepmom is a lifetime calling. I appreciated so much that perspective from a few years down the road. Even when they are in middle age, if you have a great relationship they are going to appreciate you influence as a parent in their lives. Love that.

The other idea that comment sparked was the depth of knowledge and wisdom there is out in the stepmom community. Besides having friends your same age to learn from surely we all have older and younger friends, family and neighbors who have valuable wisdom to share if we will just ask. One of my favorite things to do is just ask people to share their wisdom about a specific topic with me. People so rarely get asked to share their wisdom and I think they appreciate it. They also enjoy sharing it. It's amazing how they will always say something that resonates with me, inspires me and helps guide my journey ahead.

So I'm going to make a bigger effort to reach out to other stepmoms and enjoy their wisdom. It will make my path brighter and better every day. Sending you very best wishes for your home and sweet families!

10 Ways To Teach Your Kids To Serve Others

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Teaching children to serve others is one of the most powerful lessons you can teach them. It will affect how they interact with others for the rest of their lives. Lessons on loving and serving others are some of the strongest memories many adults have of their childhood and their parents.

Kids have to see it in action and if you start them young they love getting involved. Even if it's a little more challenging when they're a little older, they will still remember the sense of accomplishment they feel afterwards more than their grousing at the beginning.

Here are 10 things you can do with them:

1) Take dinner to the home of a family who has had a new baby or has a family member in the hospital. Kids can help prepare food and color a special picture or card for the family. They are so proud when they get to deliver dinner with you.

2) Adopt an elderly neighbor. Get to know and visit them often. Drop off some cookies, ask them to tell your family a story about their life, watch for little things you could help with around the house or yard and check in on them after bad weather. You can also invite them to go to the park with you or to a family barbecue.This is especially great if your kids don't have living grandparents or grandparents who live nearby.

3) Collect needed materials for your school or a local community center and donate them. Earn money by doing odd jobs and ask friends and neighbors if they would be willing to contribute to the cause. Then go as a family to make the delivery.

4) Get to know a military family in your community who has a dad or mom on deployment. Offer to give the mother a break by helping watch the kids or attend to any odd jobs she might need. Taking care of a family while one parent is away is a challenge, especially when family members are worrying about the safety of their loved one every day.

5) Donate used goods to a local charity. Go through toys, clothing and other belongings and look for things you can donate. Take your kids with you to deliver the goods and take a few minutes for them to learn what happens to the items after the donation and who is helped with the funds.

6) Offer to collect a friend's or neighbor's mail, care for a pet, water their plants or cut lawns during summer vacations. This is old fashioned neighborliness and we need more of it in this world. People really appreciate this kind of help.

7) Take garbage bags to the park or beach and spend a few minutes cleaning up. We try to do this every time we go to our favorite beach. We have picked up a lot of trash and left the beach looking a little nicer. I still remember watching at a distance a friend at a busy LA beach walking through the crowd picking up trash. I was impressed!

8) Teach them to write thank you notes. Make it a regular habit in your family. Teaching children to be thankful, rather than just expect everything on a silver platter is an important part of growing up. As toddlers they take and take and take. As the get older, it's critical that they learn to see where things come from and appreciate their blessings. Make it a habit to have cards, envelopes and stamps easily available to the family.

9) Gather and donate books and magazines. There are many hospitals, rest homes and other care facilities that accept donations for reading material for their guests. Go through your own bookshelves then check with friends and neighbors and see if you can fill a box to donate.

10) Do a "secret angel" activity in your family. Put each person's name on a slip of paper folded up in a hat. Then have every person draw out a name. Every day for a week you each do a secret service for that member of your family. On the seventh day, have a family dinner & reveal who each family member's secret angel was. This teaches both service and a love for family. A great way to bond family members together and help them to be more thoughtful and aware of things around the house.

Bonus: You can also look for service opportunities through your work, church or synagogue. Many employers now incorporate a community service day into each year and most churches have many ways to serve and get involved.  If you don't know of any, ask your neighbors. Their church or workplace may need help with their projects.

Doing service side-by-side with your children will give them unforgettable memories and teach them a level of graciousness and thoughtfulness that will bless their lives again and again. How have you taught your kids to serve others? What projects have worked best in your family?

Join Inspired Stepmoms On Twitter And Facebook

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You can join in the Inspired Stepmoms community on Facebook at Inspired Stepmoms and on Twitter at @inspiredstepmom (with no 'S' on the end.) You can also email us any time at inspiredstepmoms (at) gmail (dot) com. We'd love to like, link and follow you in your stepmom world. Let's connect.

This Is Your Community

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This is a blog dedicated to community. We hope to share many stepmom's inspirations, quick tips, words of wisdom and lessons learned. It's in the sharing that we are inspired and learn. Check out the links to We Want To Hear Your Story and Ask A Question to get involved and start interacting with other inspired stepmoms.

You should know that you are free to be anonymous. Some stepmoms are in situations where things are very amicable and other stepmoms have come into situations that can be very contentious. Stepmotherhood is a challenge and we should all enjoy a bit of privacy in our journeys. We are happy to offer you as much anonimity as you wish. Just let us know.

So please contribute your ideas and wisdom to the community. We'd love to hear from you.