I'm Going To Call Your Dad Grandpa

Darling stepdaughter had the chance to spend some time with my parents a while back and I love that they feel very grandparently towards her and she loves them like grandparents. Last week she said to me, "I'm going to start calling your Dad and Mom Grandpa and Grandma. They are like grandparents to me."

I loved hearing that from her. A year or so ago she was with my aunts and uncles and called my dad Grandpa with them. It was such a surprise even though I know she's been feeling that way. I love letting her come to these conclusions on her own and finding her way through her step-family life. I want her to do what is comfortable to her, as long as it is respectful of course.

She is at an age where she is learning to be more aware of the choices grownups around her make and who she respects and doesn't respect. More importantly, over time, she is learning who she can depend on and trust with her well-being and safety. She sees long strings of bad decisions, long histories of broken relationships, and lack of progress in life and recognizes that these are not the kind of people she wants to surround herself with. That gives me even more peace about -- and respect for this young lady we are raising.

It's moments like these when I know all the pain and suffering have been worth it. When I see a young lady who is loving, generous, kind and bonds with people she knows are good and kind. I am happy that she reaches out to those people who support and care about her and show it in their actions and life choices.

The love and thanks she so often gives to me for the things I do for her are the frosting on the cake. Life is good when I keep my stepmom goals in perspective and don't let minor annoyances and frustrations get the best of me.

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Dealing With Mom's Snide Comments

Over the years I've been the subject of plenty of snide comments from our bio mom. She's been especially bad lately making comments about who the real mother of my stepdaughter is and how selfish my intentions are in stepparenting her. I'm pretty sure that feeding, clothing and caring for a kid is not filled with evil intent and I have enough very positive feedback about my efforts from all sides so I try to overlook the rudeness and silliness of her comments.  But mean comments from bio moms are probably one of the biggest challenges a stepmother will face - and the most hurtful.

In my mind, my job as a step-parent is to give my husband's daughter all the love, caring and guidance I can give her. We've been together for a long time now and in the face of a very unstable bio mom, our gal has turned to me for trust, safety and stability. I'd love it if she needed less of that from me and had more of that from her biological mom, but it is what it is.

After a particularly vicious attack recently by our bio mom, I got in my car shaking and in tears. Thankfully my husband was there to comfort me but it took me a while to get past it. At the end of the day the thought came to me that I must refuse to allow other's evil to poison my life or my soul. I just don't have time to entertain meanness directed at me from someone who has made such a total mess of their own life. Once I was able to get that perspective back I was able to let go of the shock, hurt and offense that gripped me that day.

I reminded myself too that I don't want to become like bio mom, so I can't allow her to draw me into her ugliness and I can't ever stoop to her level to fight and be nasty. I have been supremely self-controlled on this note, but there have been times where my voice got a little louder and angrier than I wanted. I am happiest when I walk away with my head held high, my integrity intact and my grace in place. I was so blindsided that day that I didn't have time to think, I was in a fight or flight mode because of her sudden attack. But it gave me a chance to think about how I want to act and what I want to do next time. So I'm better prepared for something I know will happen again out of the blue someday.

When I stay in my center, I can weather the storms better and walk away feeling less hurt and stunned. It's important to me that I walk away feeling good about myself regardless of what's said about me. I can do that my mastering my own emotions and behavior. Then I can stand with my head held high, knowing that I'm doing right by my stepdaughter, my husband and perhaps most importantly by myself.

Biological Parents Aren't Perfect Either

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Something I've been trying to remind myself of lately is that it's okay not to be a perfect stepparent. No one is expecting perfection and I shouldn't expect it from myself. Should I do my best, keep trying, ask for forgiveness when I screw up and try to do better again - YES!

But I also need to remember that biological parents aren't perfect either. Being a biological parent does not make you immune from screw-ups and in fact that are some really horrible biological parents out there. Being a biological parent does not give you all the keys of the kingdom of great parenting. It does not give you all the answers to your child's needs, understanding of their sometimes crazy behavior, or the solutions to nightmares, frustrated fits, inability to sleep, hormone changes and all the things that happen with children. Biological parents get short tempered, weary of kids shows on TV, incessant questions, kid messes, temper tantrums and exhausting schedules too. Feeling these same emotions does not make me a bad stepparent or unsupportive wife.

As a stepparent I too can study and learn good parenting skills, be patient, thoughtful and kind, act in love, be unselfish, continue to try and try again to do better, and I can forgive myself and be forgiven when I make mistakes. Making mistakes does not make me a bad person or a bad stepparent.

Being a stepparent, which is a very courageous thing to do, can also put one in a position to feel attacked from all sides. You are affected by so many other people's lives and needs, not to mention family courts constant upheavals and frustrations. The one person who should show up to support us every day is ourselves. We need to be our own best friend and biggest cheerleader. No one knows us better, can gauge how hard we are trying or be inspired to help us grow.

So I am going to try to be less critical and remember that biological parents aren't perfect either. I am going to keep working at being a great parent, step or otherwise and try to remember that each day I have the opportunity to do better and grow. That way, challenges of today will be triumphs of tomorrow. 

Do you ever find yourself putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be perfect or beating yourself up when you haven't handled things are graciously as you would've liked to? How do you talk yourself back to center?

Important Lessons for Childless Stepmoms

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Had to share this great article from HuffPo about being a stepparent titled Help For The Childless Stepmom by Mary T. Kelly, M.A. I can relate to everything it said. Things that stuck out to me are getting to used to the reality that you will always be an outsider in some regard and that you have to take care of yourself. So important!  Great inspiration here.

An Intricate Dance by Susan Philips

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I learned about an interesting book that I wanted to pass along to all of you this week. I was given this book by an attorney who knows the author quite well. The book is An Intricate Dance: Stepparents Tell Us How They Found Their Rhythm by Susan Philips.

Just the very idea of this book "finding our rhythm" is inspiring to me. I am looking forward to jumping into this book and learning from other stepparents and I wanted to pass it along to all of you. I hope if you are interested in this book it will bring you some fresh perspective, comfort and inspiration.

I will very likely be creating a few additional posts from my experiences reading this book but wanted to get it out to the stepparent world now. If you read it, I've love to hear your impressions. Please let comments.

Being A Stepmom Has Ruined the Idea Of Adoption

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I have been having a lot of big life conversations with myself the past two weeks as we've been looking forward to some major life changes in the next couple of months. It was supposed to be a new dawn for our family, a chance to move forward on so many things that have been on hold for several years. But instead it looks to be the most challenging times we faced so far.

One of the issues I have been forced to face is whether or not we will be able to have children. This has been a lifelong dream and goal for my life and what I feel is my highest calling and purpose for my life. After years as an unmarried adult, I had always hoped the opportunity would still come and when I met my husband I thought it was definitely still an option. That was five years ago and after many difficulties and a long, drawn out custody battle, the chances of having children has progressively and drastically diminished.

The great hope was that this year we would have a chance to try to make that happen. Now it looks like things might go another direction and I worry about even trying at this point. There are so many things that could go wrong. In the back of my head there was always a backup adoption possibility. But I realized very recently that my life as a stepmom has greatly complicated this issue and perhaps closed the door on my interest to ever adopt.

Here's why. I just cannot allow another biological parent into my life. I have one biological parent in my life who has without exaggeration made my life, my husband's life, and definitely my stepdaughter's life a living hell for the past five years. It is impossible to adopt without the existence of TWO other biological parents. I feel very strongly in my life right now that I cannot allow one more parent into my marriage, my family or my life. I just can't. Closed adoptions are a thing of the past, which means you will have an open adoption and you will have to communicate with biological parents. Even if you could get a closed adoption you face a life with a child who will dream about and want to find the biological parents and invite them into your life. And so the door on adoption now closes, while I have one foot in the having a baby door trying to keep that door from slamming shut on me.

It's been a very difficult and heart-breaking process working through, particularly as my stepdaughter prays daily for siblings. Last night she cried her little heart out asking what we're going to do if we can't have kids. This isn't even something I discuss with her other than to occasionally try to temper her hopes with the idea that it might not be possible. When I'm already crying in private, having her crying to me is difficult. All this is going on while at the same time we are trying to figure out how we will resettle our life come this summer as we go through some major changes again and while custody issues loom as unsure and expensive as they ever have.

It never dawned on me that I would give up on my backup adoption plan. But I think I have. It will take more than a miracle to get me to change my mind. Which makes me sad, but also feels a bit self-protective because it's important for me to know my limits and know what I can and can't handle. This is one of those moments when figuring out my life hurts but I continue on, happy to have crossed this river and looking forward to continuing on my path.

Facing Little Ones' Fears About Your Marriage

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For the first time this week I shared with my husband the fears his daughter has shared with me several times about what would happen if we didn't stay together and got a divorce. I think that would do the sweet girl in. She often talks about how horrible it would be if she lost me. She's seen her mom go through boyfriend after boyfriend so she knows that relationships don't always last. In her mom's world no one stays together, everyone breaks up.

When I told my husband this, it caused him a lot of grief. He hadn't even thought about her worrying about this. It immediately took him back to his own childhood sadness as he watched his parents' marriage fall apart and break up their family.

It gave us both a push to make sure we model a healthy relationship for our sweet girl. That we do all we can do to help her feel safe, loved and cared for in our home. Becoming a stepparent isn't just marrying a nice man or woman and taking on some responsibility for their kids. It's making a decision to stand as an example to a small child about what a good relationship can look like and to help them see that it is possible for them when they grow up too.

Factor In Recovery Time For Yourself

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My plea today is that you will begin to schedule in downtime after very stressful family events. This would include court hearings, ugly interactions with the other parent or with the stepkids, or dealing with financial and other major stresses. Some days you will be able to plan this in advance, please do it. For the days you can't plan it in, push everything else aside and make that time. It is incredibly important.

We have found that the day after court hearings we are completely emotionally and physically depleted. After devastatingly bad hearings it has taken us days to recover. You may want to plan on that and make sure you take time that day for quiet and calm. Often for several days after problems with "The Mother" it will take me time to get the stress levels down. Anticipate that the stress levels will rise at any time and then make sure you take time to lower them in any way that works for you. Maybe it's exercise, maybe getting to bed a little earlier so your body has time to recover and repair, or a talk with a good friend, a long walk in a beautiful spot, an hour sitting on the beach.

Find out what works for you and use it to your advantage. There is very little in life that is more stressful than fighting over the well-being of your child and worrying about your future. Make sure you safeguard your health and well-being, especially as the stepmamma. You take on a massive amount of stress that is generally out of your making. It can be very easy for it to overtake your life. You must protect and safeguard your own life and your well-being. Take the time, make it your number one priority. Spend less time fussing about things out of your control and make yourself your top priority. Get plenty of sleep, eat healthy clean foods that will keep your body functionally optimally and leave you with high energy.

I'll say it again TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. It is a must if you are going to survive stepmomhood and you home and marriage are to survive. It's not selfish, it a blessing to everyone, most importantly to yourself.

A Favorite Book Chapter By Wayne W. Dyer

Wanted to pass along a favorite piece of inspiration today. When I am feeling out of sorts I often go back and read this chapter from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's book The Power of Intention. He in fact suggests reading this last chapter A Portrait Of A Person Connected To The Field Of Intention first before the rest of the book. It's a portrait of what life could be like if you are connected to your authentic self and living in the present moment with intention.

It is a beautiful guide for where you can be in your life if you live in peace and inspiration aplenty to motivate you in that direction. When you are so self-solid that no one outside of you can rock your boat you have a power that few achieve and all are seeking. 

Taking Care of Self

With my husband out of town and our little one visiting her other parent, I took one day of the entire weekend and didn't get out of bed or dressed until five at night. It felt so good. I slept on and off, did some writing, watched Netflix and rested.

I've been sick again and the schedule every week is exhausting, as fabulous and full of life as it is. So a day in bed was just what I needed. The hours flew by and I felt so relaxed. It was wonderful. I could've felt guilty, I could've pushed myself, but instead I let myself rest. I let myself process a bit all the things stirring around in me. It was a good thing to do.

On another day I took a long walk on the beach with my camera. I got sand between my toes, I stopped to watch the wildlife, inspect shells, check out a sailboat that had washed ashore. I let the breeze blow through me, sat in the sand, quieted myself.

When you are a full-time stepmom, you don't get much time for yourself. I'm trying to learn that every free moment, outside of the time I care for and shower love on my people and take care of items on the "must-do" list, needs to be for me time. I'm trying to remember to read good things that help me keep centered, to think about my goals and dreams for my life, and to seriously and frequently check in with myself, see where I'm at and make sure I'm going in the right direction.

Self care, I am learning is my number one most important job. I have to remind myself of this fairly often. That me time doesn't come easily. It requires sincere effort on my part, but when I do I see myself healthier, happier and more able. These are good reason to make myself a priority. My family likes me better that way. I like myself best that way too.

Big Stepmom Lessons

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I cannot believe it's been two months since I was last here. Wow. It has been pretty shockingly eventful, that is for sure. The biggest life changer was gaining custody of my stepdaughter. It's been fantastic, stressful, awesome, overwhelming and just plain amazing.

It's also been a lot of work figuring out our new family structure and life here with school, homework, tighter schedules. It's been a big change and has taken a lot more thoughtfulness and adjustment than I would've imagined. After a few weeks it feels like we're settling into a pretty, simple, happy life here and it feels good. She seems very happy. A few days ago she said she had to pinch herself to make sure this was all real and not just a dream. That charmed me to no end and it made me so happy that the things she's been praying for for such a long time have become answered prayers for her and for us.

Things are different. She is showing sides of herself that I have never seen before. I think it was easy to be happy and behave when it was just for a weekend and it was such an escape from where she was living. But now that reality has set it, there are more angry outbursts, refusals to follow instructions or requests and complaints about things she is asked to do. It's surprising, frustrating and for the most part I get it. That doesn't mean it doesn't bug me though. But we're working through it, learning new techniques and applying consistency to the situation.

So I'm experiencing stepmomhood in a whole new way now. I'm sure that will give me lots of new experiences to share here, lessons for me to learn and great things to come. I'd love to hear how life changed for you when you went from the weekend house to the weekday house if you have any thoughts. Your experience and wisdom, when shared, is invaluable. Have a great day!

Things Do Turn Around

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We got some fantastic news regarding our long and painful custody fight this week. It's so great that it's almost hard to believe. We still have a bit of a road ahead of us before these good things come to fruition but things are looking great.

It reminds me of the little shred of faith I have held on to these several years. I have always believe that the truth would come out in the end, that we would see the light of day after travailing through false accusations, lies and deceptions. We knew the truth was on our side, we knew our little one knew who was living in truth and who was more focused on taking care of her and providing for her. We just had to keep getting up to fight for another day, day after day, month after month, year after year. We were encouraged on by so many who had been in our shoes or had family members who'd been through similar situations. Everyone kept reminding us to hang in there, have faith and to believe that things would turn around.

One of the most important things we had to do throughout was to make sure we didn't get dragged out into the weeds of all the negativity and accusations. We had to keep our focus on living our truth, being the best parent and stepparent we could be and always focus on doing our best. We couldn't allow the shady efforts of the opposition to drag us down to be lesser people or fill us with anger and destroy us and our family.

In this we have been greatly blessed because we have had the chance to enjoy so much love with our little one and we have learned to enjoy life's beautiful little moments even when everything around us is difficult. This has been a fantastic blessing.

And so we say to all those who are struggling through the dark days of custody battles, keep on keeping on. Put your focus on the well-being of your child and enjoy every moment you can. One day the sun will come up yet again and things will be different and you will see the dawn of a new, better day. Listen to us, listen to the good people who are around you and have faith that things will get better, the truth will come out and you will find peace.

Teaching Children Good Principles

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While it's a very slippery slope and usually very inappropriate to talk badly to a child about his/her parent, in the face of blatantly bad or even illegal behavior, there is something you can do. Teach young children good principles and teach them to recognize what that means. Teach then to understand the damage that is done by lying, breaking promises, and other bad, dangerous and even illegal behavior. Teach them how to live a happy life and do good things - help them to recognize the rewards of such a life. This can easily be done in many small, daily conversations about every day things and through experiences you have during the day.

Then let them learn the power of discernment. If young children learn that telling a lie is wrong and then see their troubled parent do it, a bell goes off in their heads. Even very young children can tell the difference between good behavior and bad behavior, especially if they are taught well at home. If they understand why something is wrong and the ill effects of such behavior they will quickly learn to recognize it and stand up for themselves and what is right with more convictions.

It may also help them to separate how they feel about themselves from the bad behavior of their parent. When children realize that it is their parent who is making bad choices, they can feel more secure about themselves. They can learn that the behavior is their parent's choice. They will learn that it happens in other relationships other than than just the parent-child relationship. Hopefully that helps them not take bad treatment they may receive as a reflection of their own self worth. If you know a person lies, and lies to everyone, you don't take it so personally. It seems very important to help children separate their parents' decisions from the child's feelings of self worth.

While you might sometimes wish you could act out against bad behavior by another parent, it's a no-win situation. But you can stand up for teaching good principles and helping your stepkids on their way to the best, most successful life they can have. Teaching and reinforcing good principles is a beautiful way to be the best stepmom you can be.

Being A Stepmom Taught Me To Handle Criticism

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I realized today something really big. I have learned how to handle criticism. Wahoo! That's exciting. And you know where I learned it? Was it grade school? Nope. At home growing up? Nope. College? Nope. in my career or relationships? Nope. It was from being a stepmom!

The things I have heard about my man, me and our life together in court are so outrageous they would be comical if they were not so potentially devastating to our family. After some time, I believe the judge and everyone involved in the decision making processes for our little one recognized the truth of the situation. Actions speak louder than words. Yes accusations are damaging and extremely hurtful but as time goes along it is usually not difficult to see who is telling the truth and who is not.

Now that the real truth is beginning to come out, there is some relief, but for a long time, dealing with false accusations and criticisms took a real toll on me. I was born the oldest child in my family and was raised in an environment that emphasized integrity and character. Even as a young child, I took my good name very seriously and was probably more devastated than I should've been when I was corrected or got into trouble however small it might be.

But this also taught me to make good choices and always try to be and do my best. That has served me very well throughout my life and has resulted in a very joyful life. However, trying to be good and do good will never protect us from criticism. Being a stepmom has taught me to stand up for what I know is right no matter what anyone else tries to say or do to me or anyone I love. The stakes have just been too high to waver. We are talking about the life of a young child here! And that is something that I realize I am willing to fight for even more than I was willing to learn this lesson for myself in my own life. I am willing to take the hits and deal with it for this precious kid I love so much.

So despite a really unpleasant experience with custody and family courts, things are turning around and I am grateful to realize today that I can take the hits and stand my ground - thanks to a little angel who came into my life. I was willing to learn and grow because it meant protecting her. I am a better woman for it and I know this is trickling out into other areas of my life.

Yes I like to get along and I have always tried to take the reserved, respectful route through any unpleasant situation. I realize now though that sometimes that is the coward's way out and not the brave, courageous soul's way out. Today I am much more willing to be brave and stand up and make my voice heard and fight when necessary. I think this make me a much more well-rounded warrior mom and that is my goal!

Parental Alienation Must Be Addressed

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Parental Alienation is one of the most devastating issues that can arise during a custody resolution.  I wanted to point you to an important conversation going on over at Since My Divorce. If you have ever experience Parental Alienation I hope you will visit and join in the conversation there. Even more I hope you will find a way you can comfortably and passionately share your story and then share it all you can going forward within the family court, legal, mental health and social circles you interact with.

We have battled Parental Alienation in many forms over the years and have seen the devastating effects it has on children. It has hurt and devastated us, but even worse we have seen the pain and suffering that is brought upon small children by their own parent when they attempt to drive a child away from the other parent.

Here's the link to the post Parental Alienation: A Family's Heartbreak. There are links to several stories by parents who have been down this very sad path. Let's band together and make sure the family court world begins to recognize this and that we stand with fellow parents and give them our support.

Be Positive With Family, Take Complaints to God

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It's been my luck to come upon wise words for marriage and family life from many different directions the past few weeks. One of the ideas that has really stuck with me is the idea that we are loving, supportive, respectful and kind to our families. We do not spend our energy trying "to fix" them. Rather than publicly or privately criticizing, we can take our concerns to God and ask Him to help our loved one to grow and overcome their weaknesses. We can also ask God how we can support His plan for them.

Yes, we should love, guide and teach by example. But it is not our responsibility to fix them. It is God's fatherly calling to teach and develop them. We are there to help in that process. And as mere humans, we often do not share in the magnitude of God's vision for our spouse or families. We may not truly see who they are or who they can become. We just know that things annoy us and we, especially women, feel the need to point that out...sometimes constantly.

I have been trying to put this to the test this past week. I have caught myself several times from wanting to lecture my dear partner for little things I think he "should" do better. Of course, catching myself every time, I realize that my imperfect emotions are not the perfect teacher nor should they be.

When I see God working in his life and in the life of our little one, I am amazed, thrilled, overjoyed but most importantly humbled. It's easy to forget that just like me, they are continually being guided, taught and loved from above. I would do well to stand down and let Him above take control rather than trying to wrestle it away from Him and my family members. I am here to love and guide. I am a helper, not the captain. I should ask Him what I can do for them, rather than spend my energy telling them what they need to do for my expectations. It sounds so ludicrous, doesn't it, to forget these things, but we so easily forget them every day.

Try to go without criticizing or feeling the need to correct another. Even if that's not who you really are, chances are you will catch yourself thinking or acting on something that should not be in your control. This is something that I really want to work on. I am going to focus on praying for the blessing of my partner and family members and avoid any context of trying to show them their weaknesses or air complaints. I will pray to let God teach and help them grow and ask what I can do to bless and support His plan for them.

I'll let you know how it goes. Is this something you find challenging too? I'd love to hear about your journey to "let go and let God" with in your family. Sending you and your dear family warmest wishes for your joy and success.

Frustrating Teaching Experiences With Kids Pay Off Later

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Two events from the past are fresh in my memory this week. First is the months we spent with dinner time virtually ruined as we struggled with our little one to get her to eat the healthy food on her plate. It became a long, miserable experience to sit down for dinners and deal with a three year old who refused to eat. My stomach would hurt at the end of every meal.

We did not push, but just encouraged her to take 2-5 bites of anything on her plate. She would try to distract us, avoid sitting down, or just ignore us. She would suddenly start rubbing her eyes and complaining of being VERY tired and wanting to go to bed or that she had to go to the bathroom. Once she realized that we would be consistent with our expectations at mealtime, everything changed. Now she is a great eater and will eat almost anything.

She's learned to try two bites of anything new because she realizes now that the first bite of something new is never very likable, but a second try can be good. She will eat mountains of fresh spinach and will try any fruit or vegetable. Every time I am around children who won't eat anything good for them, I thank my stars for an "easy food kid."

The other thing that has very much on my mind lately is when she was two or three and would beg me to let her help to housework. I decided I should try to involve her as much as possible at that age. My hope was that as she got older she would to accustomed to the expectation that she participate in caring for our family and home and that she would have a positive feeling about working in the home because of good experiences she had had with us. This decision meant that often things took much longer than necessary while I threw my speedy flow out the window and allowed her to take part. That often became tedious, especially when we were tired. It also required a lot of patience because sometimes she created way more work than she accomplished.

This week I have been deep cleaning the house and she has been a phenomenal help. She still begs to let her wash the pots and pans. She loves to race against me to finish emptying sections of the dishwasher. And she is still quite young. But she's confident in her place in the home and family. She's been doing small chores around the house for three years now. And she's also not intimidated or annoyed to learn new chores and take on more responsibility. Yes, there are times when she would rather play than work, but it doesn't take much to get her to help out.

The final element of this all is showing lots of appreciation. It's important to us for her to know she is a loved, valuable and very appreciated member of our family. We give a lot of earned praise and lots of love and affection.

These little decisions and things we were consistent on have paid off in a huge way. Now we can look back on those frustrating days and smile with thanks that we made it through and we are reaping the rewards every day. Looking forward to her teenage years, we hope that the time we've invested now will help us get through those days too. 

Enjoy Great Summer Days With Family

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It's summertime in the northern hemisphere and a big holiday season in the U.S. The past four days have been sun up to sun down fun with different groups of friends, lots of big family-friendly events, packing, house cleaning, travel and more big fun events with family and friends.

I will confess that I am a little tired and have several times questioned my sanity regarding participating in so many fun events in such a short period of time. I think of my fellow parents out there who are scrambling to take kids on cross country trips, to amusement parks, big community events and so much more this summer. I'm sending you my encouragement and any energy I have to spare.

Thinking back on my own childhood, those are the times I have the best memories of: the trips to Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, NorCal and SoCal, camping trips, visits to cousins and more. I have no doubt my parents were usually exhausted before we even got out of the driveway. And I am sure it was a little tedious for them frequently. It's very possible that there were times when they just didn't know how they would afford to take us to fun places.

The value of my childhood experiences and memories make all the efforts I've made this past week feel more than worth it -- and make me feel very grateful for my parents, knowing now what it took to get us on those trips. So to all you parents out there, I promise you you'll catch up on your rest, you'll forget how tired, sore, frustrated, impatient and regretful you might have felt. You will have great moments with your kids and make memories to last a life time.


You can do it! It will mean the world to your kids. Life passes by too quickly and soon they'll hopefully be doing the same for their kids and you'll be able to look on and smile, knowing what they went through to get there. Go get 'em Stepmommas! You can do it. Make their lives amazing. They'll never forget you for it.

Never Take Them For Granted

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All my people are gone and I am alone this week. Going from family hustle and bustle to complete silence takes some getting used to. Somewhat thankfully, I've been doing this for several years now, so I'm rather used to it, but it never ceases to be unsettling. The difference is that now I have the comfort of knowing that there is a routine to the strange feelings I experience and it's okay to feel weird for a day or two. Then my natural energies kick in and I have so many things I want to accomplish while I have the time that I zip right along and the time usually goes pretty quickly.

But invariably at some point in the day I feel deeply lonely and sad - all alone in the world. It's usually just for an instant or two. Yesterday it was twice. Once when I locked myself out of the house because I lost my keys somewhere between our two cars. One of the cars I had the keys to in my hand, but I feared the keys were locked in the other one. It was stressful and made worse by the feeling that I was all alone and didn't have my backup man. I resolved to get a spare set either hidden somewhere or to a neighbor or both at that moment.

The other moment happens almost daily. It seems to happen at about 9:30 every night. The day is ending, it's dark, and it's too late to call anyone. Thank goodness it passes quickly because it usually strikes as I'm walking around the house cleaning up or putting something away. But it stings intensely for a minute or so.

All this reminds me to not take my loves for granted. Not to let little things annoy me. To appreciate every day that I am tired, worn out and looking at a messy house. The comfort and joy I feel in those days far outshines the loneliness of a perfectly quiet, silent house. Life moves quickly, we lose people we love, kids grow up and move far away. I don't want to regret not appreciating every moment I have with my loves.

I hope I'll remember how I feel today the next time I feel short of patience or fussy about lack of time for myself. Until they do return, I'm taking time for myself to keep myself healthy, happy and strong so that I'll feel good when they return and I'll be good to them too. Must remember how blessed I am despite all the challenges. I am very blessed.

How about you? Do you feel lost when everyone vanishes? Is it hard for you to remember that feeling when all is chaos in the house and you wish you had a magic want to make them all disappear? What do you do to help you remember to appreciate it all? Sending you my very best wishes for peace and happiness in this day!

52 Things Kids Need From A Mom

image via Angela Thomas

Had to share this wonderful book with all of you stepmoms. It had me crying three times in the first few chapters. Written by Angela Thomas, this book is a collection of essays on simple things you can do to bless your kids lives. It is full of love, grace, wisdom and inspiration to help you keep your eye on the important things, create a love-filled home and help your kids thrive. I love that the title is 52 Things Kids Need From A Mom. Not "their" mom or "the woman who gave birth to them" but anyone who stands in the role of mother in a child's life.

I found that it quickly began to change me, change the conversations I was having with Daddy and increasing my vision and perspective about mothering. I immediately began to think about my role as a stepmother on a higher plane, with more understanding of how I could bless my family and it made me realize how I could have more satisfaction as a mom too. I will never wave goodbye to our little one in the same way again after reading Angela's book.

It's a great gift for any mother or soon-to-be mom or stepmom too. If you choose one thing for each week, during the course of the year you could dramatically strengthen your home and the bonds you have together. What a beautiful, simple, and life-changing gift. Check out 52 Things Kids Need From A Mom available at Angela Thomas online store and bookstores everywhere. Angela has also written many other inspiring books you may be interested in so take a browse through the store. Hope you'll enjoy this book!