Things Do Turn Around

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We got some fantastic news regarding our long and painful custody fight this week. It's so great that it's almost hard to believe. We still have a bit of a road ahead of us before these good things come to fruition but things are looking great.

It reminds me of the little shred of faith I have held on to these several years. I have always believe that the truth would come out in the end, that we would see the light of day after travailing through false accusations, lies and deceptions. We knew the truth was on our side, we knew our little one knew who was living in truth and who was more focused on taking care of her and providing for her. We just had to keep getting up to fight for another day, day after day, month after month, year after year. We were encouraged on by so many who had been in our shoes or had family members who'd been through similar situations. Everyone kept reminding us to hang in there, have faith and to believe that things would turn around.

One of the most important things we had to do throughout was to make sure we didn't get dragged out into the weeds of all the negativity and accusations. We had to keep our focus on living our truth, being the best parent and stepparent we could be and always focus on doing our best. We couldn't allow the shady efforts of the opposition to drag us down to be lesser people or fill us with anger and destroy us and our family.

In this we have been greatly blessed because we have had the chance to enjoy so much love with our little one and we have learned to enjoy life's beautiful little moments even when everything around us is difficult. This has been a fantastic blessing.

And so we say to all those who are struggling through the dark days of custody battles, keep on keeping on. Put your focus on the well-being of your child and enjoy every moment you can. One day the sun will come up yet again and things will be different and you will see the dawn of a new, better day. Listen to us, listen to the good people who are around you and have faith that things will get better, the truth will come out and you will find peace.

Paying The Attorney Bills

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In the past few weeks we have paid a massive amount in legal bills with another gigantic bill still to start working on. This is pretty discouraging. On one hand I feel amazingly blessed that we are even able to finance all this. On another hand I feel really angry at a bio mom who has disregarded all the courts instructions for years...who is the main reason for these repeated trips to court and mounting costs.

We have forfeited our financial future. We will be in financial duress for some years to come. What was once a happy, contented financial future is not very scary to look at. I try to stay hopeful. I try to remember that we are doing this for a little child who can't help herself. I try to remember to follow the message on our currency - In God We Trust. At some deep level I really do have faith that we can overcome this, that all our suffering will be returned to us in rich blessings. Last week I told her dad that his actions are truly godlike. Sacrificing all for her benefit with no promise of repayment, appreciation or benefit. Action taken bravely with only the hope of protecting and helping another.

I must ask all you other stepmoms, how do you deal with the stress of mounting legal bills. Have you had to take on an unexpected job to help chisel down the bills, forego vacations, future dreams and plans? How have you made peace with this financial stress? Please share, we can all benefit from your experience and wisdom gained. Thank you in advance for sharing! 

Teaching Children Good Principles

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While it's a very slippery slope and usually very inappropriate to talk badly to a child about his/her parent, in the face of blatantly bad or even illegal behavior, there is something you can do. Teach young children good principles and teach them to recognize what that means. Teach then to understand the damage that is done by lying, breaking promises, and other bad, dangerous and even illegal behavior. Teach them how to live a happy life and do good things - help them to recognize the rewards of such a life. This can easily be done in many small, daily conversations about every day things and through experiences you have during the day.

Then let them learn the power of discernment. If young children learn that telling a lie is wrong and then see their troubled parent do it, a bell goes off in their heads. Even very young children can tell the difference between good behavior and bad behavior, especially if they are taught well at home. If they understand why something is wrong and the ill effects of such behavior they will quickly learn to recognize it and stand up for themselves and what is right with more convictions.

It may also help them to separate how they feel about themselves from the bad behavior of their parent. When children realize that it is their parent who is making bad choices, they can feel more secure about themselves. They can learn that the behavior is their parent's choice. They will learn that it happens in other relationships other than than just the parent-child relationship. Hopefully that helps them not take bad treatment they may receive as a reflection of their own self worth. If you know a person lies, and lies to everyone, you don't take it so personally. It seems very important to help children separate their parents' decisions from the child's feelings of self worth.

While you might sometimes wish you could act out against bad behavior by another parent, it's a no-win situation. But you can stand up for teaching good principles and helping your stepkids on their way to the best, most successful life they can have. Teaching and reinforcing good principles is a beautiful way to be the best stepmom you can be.