Competing With Mom VS. Blessing The Child

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I recently heard an accusation made against a stepmother. The claim was that she was trying to replace the bio mother. That got me thinking about what my goals and efforts as a stepmom are. I pondered that for a while. What was my motus operandi anyway?

Initially, when I first learned my new guy was a father, I was sad, nervous and fearful about what that would mean for my life if we made a lifelong commitment. I knew immediately that it would mean there would always be another woman. And another woman who was unable to get along with my guy. There would also be a child that would be passed back and forth between us. That would complicate things.

Things changed for the better the first weekend I spent with my guy and his child. It was an instant click. It was good, fun, sweet, charming. It was awesome. From that point my goal was to be the kindest, sweetest, most loving stepmom I could. In time my role evolved a lot into home-pre-school teacher, cook, reading partner and much more.

My hope was that I would be able to keep my mouth shut and be polite when it came to the other woman. A smile from the distance. For the most part that has worked, but there have been times when I have had to go Mama Bear and stand up for my man and his little one. I'm honestly not afraid to do that if necessary. I'm saying that with the understanding that it has only happened 2-3 times in years.

This week I sat down and looked back on my stepmom performance, analyzed what my motives were and tried to take a mature look at what I can do to do it all with more wisdom, intelligence and less worry. It can be challenging to stay focused on what those motives are when you are dealing with constant game playing and seeing your partner and his child continually hurt.

But I reasserted for myself that my goal is and must be the health and well-being of this child. My goals must be focused on the health and well-being of our family. Anything other than that is a distraction and if obsessively focused on, a big mistake on my part. So I'll keep plugging along, focusing every day on that mantra. No matter what problems and criticisms might come. That brings me a great deal of peace and helps me see my path going forward.